An Eternity

I know I've written about getting to hold Greyson for the first time before. But it's a very profound moment in my life. It's the moment when I really became a mother. I know that I was his mother for those precious 29 weeks he was growing inside me. But it really clicked that I was responsible for this precious, tiny gift when he was placed in my arms.

I make it sound so sweet and magical when really it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Holding your baby for the first time should be a joyous moment, not one marred by cords, wires and a ventilator. It shouldn't take two nurses to manage all those tubes and wires and to be there if something happens. (Knowing that 2 highly skilled NICU nurses were standing guard to protect my son in case my holding him in someway hurt him was both comforting and horrifying.)

(I had his tubes tucked under my arm, holding them for dear life.)

Luckily, it went smoothly, his stats remained steady, actually better than normal, and he really opened his eyes for the first time. I like to think he knew he was finally where he should be - in his momma's arms.

I know in the world of the NICU, 3 days isn't much, but as fellow preemie mom Kara McBurney said; "6 weeks is only longer than 36 hours on a calendar - any time you aren't able to hold your brand new baby is an eternity!"

This year we are walking not just for our son, but for every mom who has to wait an eternity before holding their own precious child.